He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
