Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
