fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
