They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
