absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
