i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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