I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
