she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize