One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
