just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
