So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
