I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
