I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
