Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
