i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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