I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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