It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
