I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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