well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
