you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
