I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My feet surprised me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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