oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
