I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
