Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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