Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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