I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
