I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
