Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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