found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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