Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
