I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
