im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
