she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
