69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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