well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
be right there i have to get my cape
I am one with the molecules
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
