I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
