Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
