News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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