Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wear drunk well.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
