I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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