I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize