I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
