just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is wine microwaveable?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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