We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Found your dick twin last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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