Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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