And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
