I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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