Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
