I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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