cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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