shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
