he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize