you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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