I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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