Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
