Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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