Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
