She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
