she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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