I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
