Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
