My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
