Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize