Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
