its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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