I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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