the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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