I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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