Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
