You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
