I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
