Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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