whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
