it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
