She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
