so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
