remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize